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American Pie (1999) movie quotes:

"She's gone! Oh my God! She used me. I was used. I was used! Cool! "

"mr finch-are you trying to seduce me?"

"The shaolin masters from east and west must fight, and find out who's number 1"

"This one time, at band camp.....i stuck a flute up my pussy. -Spits drink everywhere- What you think I dont know how to get myself off?"

"Michelle:There was this one time, at band camp, and I stuck a flute up my pussy. "

"Michelle: There was this one time, at band camp, when I stuck a flute up my pussy. "

"Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually? Vicky: I've never tried it. Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse? "

"Vicky: And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's okay cause' he's a guy, right? Jessica: He got a dick, he's a guy "

"Stifler: I'll see you guys tonight, in the 'No Fucking Section', right? "

"Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it. "

"Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like? Kevin: You want to take this one? Oz: Like warm apple pie. Jim: Yeah? Oz: Yeah. Jim: Apple pie, huh? Oz: Uh huh. Jim: McDonald's or homemade? "

"Vicky: I want it to be the right time, the right place. Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex. "

"Jim: I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed. "

"Oz: Suck me beautiful! "

"Oz: Friends call me Nova as in Casanova. Girl: That's pathetic! "

"Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them! "

"Go Over and Ask If She Needs An Extra Hand"

"viky: hey kevin, Kevin: what? Vicky: I want to have sex, Kevin: Now? Vicky: Prom"

"What's my name? Say my Name Bitch! "

"And this one time at band camp i stuck a flute up my pussy"

"You know what? I am a band geek. I just never joined the band."

"Stifler's mom!!!!!!"

"I've never even had sex and I hate it. I HATE SEX!!"

"Now, Im gonna go talk to that geek over there. At least she has other things to talk about besides sex."

"just relax, take it slow, and let the good times roll"

"You've never double-clicked your mouse?"

"shitbreak "

"michelle okay b4 we start whats my name jim uhhhhh uh michelle say my name bitch!! jim michelle michelle "

"Vicky- Is this translation right, go home bird teacher I've had enough?"

"opening scene: oh! doggie wants to hide the bone, do a little bone smuggling. Man would you shut up!!"

"Nadia stripping: Finch- oh, oh there that goes. oh nice collection there Jimbo! she reads the articles. "

"He just didn't pull out the chair? Yes he pulled out the chair. Stifler- What the fuck is this? Bad Jim, bad! Sit, this is gotten a hole hell of a lot better."

"How are you this evening ? I am 3 sheets to the wind mam. Oh I am so happy for you."

"Stifler: Sherman! Sherman: Hey! Stifler: WHat the fuck are you doing here?!"

"You coming to the party tonight Ozzy? You fuck face!"

"Kevin: No prostitutes, if that's what your thinking, Finch! Jim: Busted."

"Why is this door locked? Mom where's-. Mom? Sh-shit brick?!"

"Nadia: So, um, shaved is the expession? Jim: Holy shit. Finch: Holy shit! Band Group: Holy shit! Enthusiastic Guy: H-holy shit!"

"Jim: What am I gonna do, huh? Broadcast her over the internet. Stifler: Yeah. Kevin: You can do that? Jim: No, I cannot do that to her. Stifler: Man, I you don't have the guts to photograph a naked chick in your house, how the hell are you ever gonna sleep with one? Finch: I don't like the kid, but he's got a point Jim. Stifler: See, even shit-brick knows you should do it!"

"Jim's Dad: Jim, I want to talk about masturbation. I just want you to know that it is a perfectly normal, uh, thing. I have have admit, I did a fair amount of, masturbating, when i was a little younger, I used to call it stroking the salami. You know pounding the old pudding. I never did it with baked goods. But you know your Uncle Mort? He pets the old-eyed-snake five or six times a day. You see it's like practice for the big game. You see? And it's like banging a tennis ball against the brick wall. Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game. What you want is a partner to return the ball. Do you want a partner? Jim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah I want a partner. Jim's Dad: You want a partner? Jim: Yes. Jim's Dad: Good. Good."

"Jim: Holy shit. Kev/Finch. Hoooly shit. Blink182: Hoooooly Shit."

"mmm... she reads the articles..."

"1: I don't wanna see any of you thinking you're gonna score. You don't score, till you score. 2: TILL YOU SCORE! 1: This game marks the culmination of the past four years! 2: CULMINATION!"

"'I don't think he's comin' back.'"

"Vicky! Jessica! Great to see you, glad you could make it... Haha *Bitches!*"

"Sherman!!.... hhh What the fuck are you doing here?"

"suck me beautiful!!"

"I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed. "

"I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking USE them! "

"God bless the Internet. "

"One time at band camp... "

"(Stifler looking at Jim stripping on the Internet): What the fuck is this? (to his brother, who's dancing like Jim): Chill out man!"

"Stifler: They sucked ass! Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?! Heather: Well, I was going to ask Chris to the prom, so do you want to go? Oz: Yeah, that would be great. Stifler: Just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo. Oz: Stifler! Why do gotta to be so insensitive all the time? Stifler: What?! Whatever."

"Stifler: They sucked ass! Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?! Heather: Well, I was going to ask Chris to the prom, so do you want to go? Oz: Yeah, that would be great. Stifler: Just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo. Oz: Stifler! Why do gotta to be so insensitive all the time? Sifler: What?! Whatever."

"you guys are gunna fuck arent u?? fuckers fuckers fuckers fuckers!!!"

"you guys are gunna fuck arent u?? fuckers fuckers fuckers fuckers!!!"

"It almost looks like a tropical plant or something. . ."

"all you have to do is ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit. i dont know dude, that sounds like a lot of work."

"(during sex) STIFLER'S MOM: Oh Finchy, oh Finch! FINCH: Stifler's mom, oh Stifler's mom!"

"wot do u think hes gonna drive up there for.....milk and cookies?? "

"kevin : no longer will out penises remain flacid and unused"

"kevin : no longer will out penises remain flacid and unused"

"1/oz! 2/ hey you called me oz 1/ Well yeah, i mean that's what your friends call you and i am your friend and even your...girlfriend"

"(1)Dude that chick's a MILF! (2)What to hell is that? (1)M-I-L-F Mom I'd like to fuck! (2)Yeah dude! Yeah!"

"I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day."

"finch and stiflers mum fucking on the pool table and stifler comes in) STIFLER: mum? shitbrick? FINCH: oh hey stifler (stifler faints)"

"well, youve seen me now it my turn to see you...strip!! "

"how sweet it is 2 be loved by you!!!"

"Sherminator - I'm a safistacated sex robot sent back through time to change the future, for one lucky lady."

"You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually? "

"fuck man, youre all deadbeat wankers, yeah you the one reading this, i fucked your mum."

"girl(whispering): ...i want to have sex... guy(surprised):NOW???!!!"

"SI KEMP WROTE THE ONE BEFORE THIS QUOTE"

"1.Dude that fart stinks you smell like the yeti! 2. YETI! I AM THE YETI!"

"So shaved is the expression?"

"What's my name? SAY MY NAME BITCH!"

"One time, at band camp, I stuck a flute up my pussy."

"Suck me beautiful!"

"1: If Sherman has sex before I do, I gonna be really pissed! 2: Sherman? The Sherminator?"

"1: We´re here for the party! 2:What party? Here´s no party! Try the house down the street!"

"All you need to do is how to press a girl´s buttons! You have to give her what she´s never had!"

"I have an announcement that i would like to make! There is a gorgeous woman, masterbating, on my bed!"

"You know, if you ever had a chance with Nadia, this is it! "

"Now i'm going back to my date now, because at least she talks about something besides sex."

"It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex"

"1.)I am a sofisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the world, for one lucky lady... 2.) Go get 'em tiger... 3.) I'll be back"

"YOu guys are gonna fuck! You guys are gonna fuck!"

"i think you need your balls reattached"

"i think you need your balls reattached"

"MILF!!! MILF!!! MILF!!!"

"God bless the Internet"

"1) All you have to do is ask them questions and listen to what they have to say and shit. 2) I don't know, man, that sounds like a lot of work."

"he likes getting head, gee, what a total shocker"

"Fuckface?!"

"Fuckface?!"

"Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us."

"What? Whatever!"

"Im going to get myself a real bitch SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL"

"Hit that high C! LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

"Hey, you know what we should do? Instead of playing our instruments regularly, we should play them backwards. That would be so funny!"

"Suck me.. Beautiful.."

"1)Dude. Chick's a MILF! 2)What the hell is that? 1)M-I-L-F! Mom I'd Like to Fuck!"

"Michelle :SAY MY NAME... WHAT'S MY NAME BITCH Jim: Michelle ,Michelle "

"HOLY SHIT!"

"go tri-boy, its your birthday"

"Stiffler, fuck! Why do you always have to be so damn insensitive all the time?"

"This one time at band camp..."

"STIFFLER, FUCK!, why do you have to be so insensitive??"

"Sherman, What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Finch: I gotta go, it's 16 minutes round trip./Kevin: Finch, when are you gonna learn to take a dump at school?/Finch: Have you looked at the facilities in this school?"

"We were doing the wild thing all night. I'm exausted."

"1)Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're the one with a girlfriend and you're still stranded on third base. 2)At least I know what third base feels like. You're still a batboy. 1)A batboy?"

"Dude, it's gonna happen. She's a college chick!"

"Illegal channels? If there's any channel that should be illegal it's that all womans channel, lifetime supply of pantyhose, or some shit."

"Oh, that was a tit! That is a tit!"

"Confidence is high, repeat confidence is high."

"Mom...? Shitbreak...?"

"Somebody's goin' in there!"

"We're Here for the party. There's no party. Stifler great party man here have another beer. Wierd why don't you try the house down the street."

"GOd stiffler, why you gotta be so insensitive all the time?"

"Let me hear that high c not...aaahhh!!!"

"Sarah(girl running down stairs)-ahh! Jim-regergitation.. "

"Friends call me Nova, as in Casa Nova..."

"Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our own sexual destiny."

"Whoa! This is like the coolest thing I ever seen! I know."

"!)oh my god your gay!!! 2)come on sing it with me u know the words! 3)no thanks man, you've been singin that shit all week, i swear to god if u sing that shit at MSU this saturday i'll kick your ass!"

"1. How's the pale ale Stiffler? 2. Fuck you. "

"See, even shitbrick thinks you should do it. "

"Say goodbye to Chuck Sherman the boy. I am a man. We were doing the wild thing all night. I'm exhausted."

"whats my name? SAY MY NAME BITCH!"

"Vicky, Jessica, good to see you! Ha Ha...BITCHES"

"Dude! You gotta take a shit, you smell like a yeti!"

"This one time at band camp. I stuck a flute in my pussy."

"Heres and idea how about you guys locate your dicks remove the shrink wrap and fucking use them"

"I'll look for you in the no fucking section"

"Why dont you guys actually locate your dicks, remove the shrinkwrap, and fucking use them!!"

"you smell like a fuckin yeti"

"oh god, she sure takes her vitamins"

"Choir chick...what the hell are you doing here?"

"sherman,( sherman put his hand up ) wwwhat the fuck are you doing here!"

"Oh, nice collection there, Jim."

"I don't know man, that sounds like a lot of work!"

"Yeti! I am the Yeti!"

"Michelle:Now I have 2 condoms. Wear them both. It will de-synthesize you. I don't want you coming so damn early this time. Jim: Wh-What makes you think that I would come early? Michelle: Oh come on! I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing. Jim: Yes I am!"

"You mean you never double clicked your mouse?"

"I think you need your balls reattached"

"SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL"

"Are we gonna screw soon? I'm getting kind of antsy."

"Maybe i should call you a cab, or not considerind i might go to hell this time of night!"

"you just inherrited the bible"

"And there was this one time at band camp, when i shoved a flute up my pussy"

"Say my name bitch! "

"You guys are gonna fuck aren't ya? FUCKERS!! FUCKERS!!"

"[stiffler]sherman! [sherman]hey! [stiffler} what the fuck are you doing here!!"

"So how was the pale ale?"

"finch- woman are like a fine wine,they only get better with age."

"My dates a flute toting band dork. Does that answer your question ?"

"Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it! "

"I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day. "

"There is a bueatiful girl... masterbating on my bed."

"if i going to have sex with you tomorrow you gonna tell all your friends about me "

"its about time she experienced the shermanater"

"..is it true that he is... epuipped...?"

"#1. (singing) How sweet it is to be loved by you (points at #2) #2. Oh my God, you're gay."

"Mom? Shitbreak?"

"Well we'll just tell your mother that we ate it all."

"Well safer than a tube sock."

"Their tiger style kung-fu is strong but our dragon style will defeat it."

"Enough of this blowjob bullshit I gotta get laid all ready."

"You've never double clicked your mouse?"

"Spank my hairy ass!"

"Suck me beautiful."

"What's my name bitch!"

"Doggie wants to hide the bone! - Ride me like a pony!!"

"It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX."

"1. I got some scotch. 2. Single malt? 1. Aged eighteen years. The way I like it."

"1. Separately we are flawed and vunerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny. 2. [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it! 1. Guys... 3. The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one! 1. GUYS! I'm serious!"

"1. You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit. 2. Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work."

"I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day."

"1. I want it to be the right time, the right place... 2. It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX."

"1. So what'd you think? 2. I thought you sounded really good. 3. I think you need your balls reattached."

"You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us."

"I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed."

"1. Oh, Finchy. Finch. 2. Oh, Stifler's Mom, whoa!"

"You guys are goin fuck aren't you!"

"I'll look for you guys in the non-fucking section."

"Oz (singing): How sweet it is to be loved by you.. (points at Stifler) Stifler: Oh my God, you're gay!"

"MILF! MILF! MILF! MILF!"

"Stifler's Mom: Aged 18 years, just how I like them."

"1) I had no idea you'd be this good. 2) Neither did I."

"You have seen me now it's time for me to see you!"

"women are like a fine wine...they only get better with age"

"1) Ariel, man she is so hot 2) She's a mermaid, dude 1) Yeah, Oz, but not when she's on land"

"Oh, and you get to drive across Canada. Beautiful country"

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