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Evolution (2001) movie quotes:

"How Many Cells Do single Celled Organisms Have? "

"1/_If I was a giant nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be? 2/_Lingerie 1/_Not you, the bird. 2/_Lingerie"

"1/_I would've rocked your world. 2/_You already have"

"Liar Liar Pants On Fire! "

" Pull your horns in there, boys! Nobody's dropping an H-bomb in the middle of my beloved state! "

"1/_Allow me to share something with the entire class.... Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled *Cells are Bad* and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory.... Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same boring, old magazine everyday. The end Although my standards are nowhere where they used to be I could not bring myself to put A's atop those beauties.... sorry guys 2/_ That's ok 3/_ ok"

"Great flaming whore balls!"

"[Tagline] Have a nice end of the world"

"We've established that ca-caw ca-caw and tookie tookie don't work."

"1) Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College. 2) Harry Block, United States Geological Survey. 3) Wayne Grey. I took some chemistry in high school. "

"1) So, do they give the Nobel Prize out in yearly payments or is it just one lump sum, like the lottery? 2) Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 1) Oh, I'm not getting ahead of myself. I'm very concerned about the potential tax consequences. "

"(1) were not going to bend over and take this!(2) (mooning)"

"don't snap at me ira, unless you want an angry solid gold dancer on your hands."

"(takes a peek in lens) 1. There are single-celled organisms in here. 2. (laughs) Yes, I know. 1. But they weren't there before. 2. So they snuck in! 1. There was no sneaking in, it's amazing, as if they're evolving, it's Evolution. 2. They're growing! Nobel, here we come. 1. Yeah, but it's 200 million years worth in just a few hours. 2.(winks) That's fast."

"1. Watch it now, take it easy, that's my baby.(men turn over trashed car) Come on, be careful! Who's gonna pay me the damage to my damn car? 2. Son, I tell you we don't do that, it's force majure. 1. Force majure my ass! That car's a '73 Buick Riv!"

"1.(disgusted) Man! Now I'm a Hawaiian warrior? You know I'm thinking seriously about moving, maybe down to California. 2. You mean over the fireman exam? Big deal, you flunked out, you know how many times I failed in life? A ton."

"1. Let me ask you something, how come you get to be a colonel and I'm just a private? 2. I WAS a colonel. 1. Yeah, you obviously served your country with distinction!"

"1. They took the rock, the samples, all the little wormy critters. 2. All the data is gone, they cleaned us out. 1. I'm calling the cops! 2. The cops? They ARE the cops!"

"1. You're a member of the USGS? 2. Signed up over the internet. 1. What, you were on some cheerleading site and it accidently linked you over to the USGS site? 2. Something like that."

"THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBE!"

"The bastard won't even talk to me.-Dr. Reed Well you did call him an asshole.-Ira"

"1. Mr. Kane, there seems to be a mistake here, see me and my brother both got a C minus on our reports. 2. C minus, me too! 3. Allow me to share something with the whole class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems, both entitled Cells Are Bad with both just one paragraph.(reads aloud) Cells Are Bad, my uncle lives in a cell, it's ten feet by twelve and he has to read the same old boring magazine everyday. The End."

"It's hard to believe that a single biology professor making in excess of $17,500 a year found time to grade all your exams but a single shocking anomaly had been made, pretty much of you all got A's."

"1. Wayne, what's this? (holds up towel) 2. That would be an all-cotton towel, sir. 1. It's a DAMP towel, Wayne, what the hell is a damp towel doing on my chaise? 2 Let me take care of this for you. 1. Well, you better, because you're the pool manager and if there's anyone who knows about the dampness on my chair, it's you."

"1. The red markings on the map is the growth of the alien ecosystem outside the contained area. Unless we do something immediately, we will lose Glen Canyon in three days, in a week, the rest of Arizona, then the entire Southwest. In two months, the United States officially belongs to them and we're extinct."

"1. There's an old abandoned mine half a click south of here. We could go into the cave through there. 2. Half a click, what are you, in Vietnam?"

"1. Hey, Ira, look at that backside, theater in the round, that's the trunk space you want in a late model car. Who does that remind you of? 2. Dr. Reed?! 1. Bullseye!"

"Great googa-mooga!"

"Wayne Gray, tok some chemistry in high school"

"Wayne Gray, took some chemistry in high school..."

"WHOA! I ALMOST WEN'T DOWN ON THAT ONE!"

"1)Wait. . How do you two know that? You don't know anything! 2) Haven't you noticed how shinny and flake free our hair is?"

"Let's shampoo us some aliens."

"(1)We didn't know you were coming to see the show. (2)You damn well better make it a good one, Sergeant. (1)That's General. (2)Not if you screw this up."

"(1)Half a click? What are you, in Vietnam? (2)Hey, I'm diggin' this. Work with me baby, work with me."

"Wayne Gray. Took some uh, chemistry in high school."

"A guy got killed at my country club last night. A real douchebag. But that doesn't make it right."

"I seen this movie. The black dude dies first."

"Yeah, I got some protocol for you, Russell"

"All those girls in the photos are... over eighteen."

"(1)No sex? (2)No time for sex. (3)Bummer."

"(1)What? Were you on some cheerleader site and you accidentally got linked to the USGS site? (2)Somethin' like that."

"Despite all the warnings, she was smokin' in bed and fell asleep. Bad move."

"No I'm just an ice queen in need of a good humping"

"mahseltov its a boy!"

"NASTY!"

"Harry, we have no time for you to pretend like you know what you're talking about"

"nasty "

"OH Ira...IRA(humping the air) "

"-The rock is bleeding.Have you ever seen a rock bleed before? -Umm, rocks are not supposed to bleed."

"I ought to send the whole jacked up bunch of you to prison. Not the state prison with the cushy jump suits. The federal prison...with the crotch spiders!"

"1)What were you doing?2)What do you mean?1)You're partner could've been killed.2)I know,but we discovered this,I thought this could've been my project,it was like they were resting in my hands.1)What about me?2)You're nice.1)I thought I was a humorless ice queen in desperate need of good humping.2)You HEARD that?"

"Blue Monkey! Blue Monkey!"

"i don't care if we melt this state down to beaded glass..."

"1) you know how to use one of these things? 2) just 'cause i'm a scientist doesn't mean i'm a pussy."

"JUST A SECOND!...bitch..."

"Their Aliens"

"Ready for lunch or have you already eatin?"

"1) I need some ice cream 2) Ok what flavor? 1) Doesn't matter, it's for my ass...."

"1)She's just an ice queen in need of a good humping...IRRAAA IRRRA 2) Stop it that's disturbing 1) I'm not doing anything...IRRRA IRRRA"

"1) I'll get the lubricant! 2) There's no time for lubricant! 3) There's always time for lubricant! 2) We might have to take the leg 3) Dont take the leg! Ira don't let them take the leg! 2) It's moving up! 3) Take the leg take the leg!!"

"hehe haha toki toki! ZOLESSA"

"ewww..it's like a big lougie! mosaltof!! it's a boy!"

"have you ever used one of these before? )holding a gun0 Just b/c i'm a school teacher doesn't make me a pussy!"

"what is that fire truck doing out there? it looks like it's about to perform a giant enema!!"

"Keeping my seat warm for me? I'll have a hot chocolate and a pair of spyglasses."

"1. I'd like an ice cream please. 2. What flavor. 3. It doesn't matter, it's for my ass."

"1. I'll get the lubricant. 2. There's no time for lubricant. 3. There's always time for lubricant."

"I see you've been warming my seat, now I'll need a pair of spy goggles and a hot chocolate!"

"are you sure you can handle this all on your lonesome"

"Wayne, I think we've established that 'caw-caw, caw-caw' and 'tookie-tookie' don't work."

"1) Is there anything I can do for you? 2) I'd like some ice cream. 1) OK, what flavor ice cream do you want. 2) It doesn't matter. It's for my ass."

"1) DON'T TAKE THE LEG!!! 2) (to another doctor) Now it's heading for his testicles! 1) TAKE THE LEG! TAKE THE LEG!"

"Sing! Sing! Rub some funk on it!"

"Man! You shoulda seen the size of that thing he put in you! It was this big! You took it like a man!"

"That's a muffin you like to butter, a rump you like to roast."

"i think he's giving her a bit of the cane madness."

"(1) so what do you take fellas? light meat or dark? (2) you have to ask?"

"1: Aw cool. Snag one. 2: Snag one? 1: Yeah snag one and put it in the bucket. 2: No I've seen this movie the black dude dies first. You snag one."

"it's in meeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!"

"anybody got a can of raid??"

"1: No sex? 2: No time for sex. 3: Bummer."

"stand back harry im gonna shoot him"

"That's like a big loogy!!"

"wait i seen this movie the black dude dies first"

"Play that funkie music white boy..."

"wayne i think we have established that cha-cha and tookie tookie don't work"

"I think he's gone to giver her some of that Kane Madness."

"moz altof it's a boy"

"I'm no biologist, but how many cells do one-celled organisms have?"

"You are so beautiful, to me... I'm gonna shoot him. No, stand back, Harry. I'll take care of this one myself."

"You are so beautiful, to me... I'm gonna shoot him. No, stand back, Harry. I'll take care of this one myself."

"Take the leg! Take the leg!"

"1) Is there anything I can get you? 2) Some ice-cream. 1) What flavour would you like? 2) Any damn flavour, it's for my ass."

"THERE'S A FLY IN MY SUIT!! THERE'S A FLY IN MY SUIT!!"

"There's always time for lubrication"

"They called it...the Kane Madness."

"1) You remember protocol, don't you? 2) Yeah, I got some protocol right here for you, Russel, come and get it!"

"1) Nice underware. 2) Gaterbelt? At a day function?"

"I know the USGS looks good on my resume', but am I really growing as a person?"

"God gave you two god damn hands for a reason!"

"Despite all the warnings, she was smoking in bed and fell asleep. Bad move."

"Don't you ever tell anyone where I've been"

"(1) If you were an alien in a shopping mall, where would you be? (2) Lingerie. (1) Not you. The alien. (2) Lingerie. "

"I think we've already established that Ca Caw and Tookie Tookie doesn't work."

"I'm no scientist, but how many cells are in a single-celled organsim?"

"I'm no scientist, but how many cells are in a single celled organism?"

"I would have rocked your world. "

"Let's shampoo us some aliens."

"Give Back my friend you giant sphincter"

"I swear to God! I will NEVER shoplift again!!!"

"Great googamooger!"

"Fruit basket for General Woodman!"

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