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Jerk, The (1979) movie quotes:

"I grew up a poor black child."

"He hates these cans!"

"Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass. "

"
--Give me a bite of that corn dog.

--What about germs?

--Put a rubber on it."

"But, can you do this? "

"1)I know this is our first date, but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend, you could think of me? 2)Well, I haven't made love to him yet. 1)That's too bad. Do you think its possible that someday you could make love with me and think of him? 2)Who knows. Maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me. 1)I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere. "

"dont call him lifesaver call him ....head"

"DAD---You see that? NAVIN-Yeah. DAD---That's shit. And this is Shinola. NAVIN-Shit... Shinola. DAD---Son, you're gonna be alright. KSWISS916 kswiss916"

"Poor Hobart. His dear wife, Hester, took some money out of her savings account, and had to pay a substantial penalty for early withdrawal. [gunshot] kswiss916"

"Okay, now hold a balloon in your mouth. Do you have a balloon? (He pauses). Ahh (checking his coat pockets), oh yeah, I got one right here!"

"You sir are talking to a nigger!!"

"Hey boy, I am in love with 3 !!! What's a moron. NTNT give it me birdie birdie. "

"What is you a moron, why don't I take this phonebook and shove it down your throat, you Opti-Grab Lover !!! two hundred and fifty big ones, two hundred and fifty dollarinies....."

"What in the wild wild world of sports is going on here !!! "

"ow dont blame yourself how was you supposed to know thats iron balls mcginty"

"thats shit this is shinola"

"Oh boy! What a life saver. That's gonna be YOUR name! Ol' lifesaver! C'mon everybody, fir fire there's a fire!!! (moments later) Chinese guy) Hey kid. Don't call that dog lifesaver. Call him shithead!"

"It's HIM!!! What is him doing here?!?!"

"yeah, i'm back...oh yeah, they'll be here for a while..(smiling)"

"Have you seen a five years old boy, blond hair and he's wearing a t-shirt that says 'Bullshit' on it?"

"She tattooed my name on her ass. Not just my name, a lot of names and funny sayings too! She's got one up here that says 'Slippery when wet.'"

"I was born a poor black child."

"My dear family, Guess what? I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish the whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time, as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I will be able to send more money, as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin "

"He ran the other Pizza-in-a-Cup guy outta business!"

"Good Lord! I've heard about this... Cat juggling!"

"Jeez, this shit really works!"

"I have to go now, as someone is staring at me through binoculars."

"(singing) Oh, I'm picking out a thermos for you..."

"(looks at newspaper and gasps) Stolen!"

"Wanna fillup, Mrs. Nusbaum?"

"1)I'm hitchiking 2)How far you goin'? 1)Saint Louis, how far you goin'? 2)To the end of this fence."

"...Lord loves a workin' man, don't trust whitey."

"You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"

"Tuna fish salad on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab and a coupla twinkies."

"I was born a poor black child."

"THE NEW PHONE BOOK'S HERE, THE NEW PHONE BOOK'S HERE!"

"...now I only have two things...my friends and...um...my thermos."

"Die, Milkface!"

"Pay to the order of__________One dollar and 17 cents"

"Navin! Johnson! R.....I'm somebody!!"

"He hates these cans!"

"1)St. Louis? 2) No, Navan Johnson. 1) I mean, are you going to St. Louis?"

"PS. Is Grandma still farting?"

"I've got it! Mrs. Nuesbaum's credit card, I got the guys who stole it. "

"The new phonebook's here! The new phonebook's here!"

"These cans are defective, they’re springing leaks, come over and look at this."

"Average run of the mill bastard"

"Next time you make love to your boyfriend, could you think of me?"

"Pay to the order of Mrs. Wilbur Stark... one dollar and NINE CENTS!"

"Ahhh, it's a PROFIT DEAL."

"If this woman doesn't get her buns out of here, I'm going to drive this bike up her BUTT!!! "

"1. Damn these glasses! 2. Yes sir. I damn those glasses."

"somebody hates these cans!!!!"

"I am not a bum"

"...and that's all...is this chair...and this paddle ball game...and that's ALL I NEED! Except for this lamp."

"Johnson, Navin R., sounds like a typical bastard!"

"Ah yes, cat juggling...I've heard about this..."

"It's him...what is him doing here? "

"Its a profit deal..."

"1) We'll be in charge of keepin' out the niggers. 2) I, SIR, AM A NIGGER! (and he proceeds to kick their ASS!)"

"#1. Now listen here, boy. See that? That's shit. And this....this is Shinola."

"HOW FAR ARE YOU GOING? ST.LOUIS. l'LL TAKE YOU TO THE END OF THIS FENCE. O.K, MY NAME IS NAVEN JOHNSON, WHATS YOUR NAME? O.K HERE WE ARE."

"I've heard about this before...............CAT JUGGLING"

"this is perfect, I won't have to change a thing!"

"congradulations, your our 9th customer of the day, you've won a free OVEN MITT!"

"typical run-of the mill bastard"

"1)(crying)I was watching a movie that made me think about the way we were. 2)What was it, Honey? 2)'The Way We Were.'"

"1)Damn these glasses! 2)I damn thee!"

"The new phone books are in! The new phone books are in!"

"He's shooting at the cans! He hates these cans!"

"I don't need you! I don't need anything! Except this ashtray."

"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now. "

"[singing] I'm picking out a Thermos for you! Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in! "

"I was born a poor black child"

"For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex! "

"Lord loves a working man, dont trust whitey,see a doctor and get rid of it."

"Come Shithead, Come!!"

"OH, IT'S A PROFIT DEAL!!"

"What's happening to my special purpose?!"

"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes me somebody! Things are going to start happening now."

"WHAT?!?! That guy jipped me. He put daisy stems on my roses."

"Oh my god, I'm endangering your life. COVER ME. .... You're covered."

"JOHNSON, Navin R. Sounds like a typical bastard."

"(1)Hey mister, don't call that dog lifesaver.(2) No?? 1()Call him SHITHEAD."

"(1)You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?!?!?! (2)Naven, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass."

"I want you to have my zippo."

"I'm picking out a Thermos, for you."

"He hates these cans!"

"Things were never easy for me. I was born a poor black child."

"The good news is, I may have some extra money coming in soon as I've found some extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job."

"One, two, three.....four five six"

"Lord loves a workin' man, don't trust Whitey. See a doctor and get rid of it. Right."

"He ran the old Cup 'o Pizza guy out of business."

"He ran the old Cup 'o Pizza guy out of business."

"You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! "

"Well I'm gonna to go then! And I don't need any of this! I don't need this stuff, (he pushes all of the letters off the desk), and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this (he picks up the ashtray) and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair. "

"Ah yes, but no more 1966. Lets splurge! Bring us some fresh wine! The freshest you've got - this year! No more of this old stuff."

"Don't trust whitey. The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey. "

"You mean I'm going to stay this color?!? "

"Mama always knew how to treat me right. For my 18th birthday, she prepared my favorite meal... tuna fish on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab, and a couple of Twinkies. "

"Gosh! You have my last name tattooed right there under the j's! First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass! You know, I bet more people see that than the phone book. "

"Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers. "

"I was raised a white child in a poor black family. "

"Marie, are you awake? Good. You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. I'm glad because there is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that. You give me confidence in myself. I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I'm going to ask you to marry me, if that's o.k. with you. Just don't say anything. You've made me very happy."

"He doesn't realise he's dealing with sophisticated people here. Marie, now just stay calm. Stay calm. Don't look down, don't look down! Look up! Just keep your eyes up and keep them that way, o.k.! Waiter there are snails on her plate. Now get them out of here before she sees them! Look away, just look away, keep your eyes that way! You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails there you can't even see the food! Now take those away and bring us those melted cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of! "

"1.) You know, while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up and float right down the end of this coronet, right through here, through these vales, right along this tube, and right up against your lips and give you a kiss. 2.) Why didn't you? 1.) I didn't want to get spit on me. "

"Honey, guess what - I wrote a song for you this morning. (singing) I'm picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra best thermos that you can buy, With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in! I'm picking out a thermos for you, And maybe a barometer too, And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely, A rear end thermometer too. "

">Damn these glasses! >>Yes sir! I damn thee! "

"I was born a poor black child."

"He Hates these cans!!!! Stay away from the cans!!!!"

"one.......two......three,four,five!"

"I've got one! I've got a special purpose! Its great, it's fantastic...I was scared to tell you about it...Your Mom's gonna love me!"

"Oh I' picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra best thermos, you can buy. With vynal and stripes and a cup built right in!"

"I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit."

"1)St. Louis? 2)No, Navin Johnson"

"I was born a poor black boy...."

"The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need... and these matches...the ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle-ball... and this lamp"

"THE NEW PHONE BOOK'S HERE, THE NEW PHONE BOOK'S HERE."

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